On the other hand, is masculinity freedom?

We raise our voices so much for feminism, equality and freedom for women from the views of society.

I wondered today if, on the other hand, are men free of all the shackles of society?

Few words for them..

The burden on them to always be strong,

When they had to hid all the tears in their eyes.

The burden on them to protect their females,

When they are afraid of the dark themselves.

The burden on them to carry forward the business of family,

When all they wanted was to travel around the world.

The burden on them to take up masculine roles,

When they wanted to paint, and write poems.

The burden on them to be the breadwinner,

When they wanted to stay and cook.

The burden on them pick up the heavy weights,

When even their back is paining.

The burden on them to pamper their wives,

When they themselves needed love.

The burden on them to be self-reliant,

When they wanted an arm to hug them.

The burden on them to be powerful,

When they wanted to be alone and content.

The burden on them to be the hero,

When they were fine with being just common.

The burden to be a male,

When they wanted to be just human and live like they want.

Shagun

​ Red market- the trading of body organs and flesh!

Red market- the trading of body organs and flesh!

Why body parts market is an alruistic market and not a trade market?
1. It started as a trade market but then the human tendency was to look for the cheapest source. People started taking organs from prisoners which was termed as a form of slavery because prisoners had no other option to earn money.
2. It was hence defined as an altruistic market or voluntary donation only. Also, called as exchange of gifts or Blood socialism
3. So, if very few exceptions, all countries selling of blood, body organs is FREE.


Why anonymity is maintained between acceptor and donor?
1. So that the acceptor doesn’t feel indebted to him all his life.
2. To protect the interests of the donor.


Drawback of voluntary donation and anonymity-
1. In the whole supply chain, everybody earns money except for the donor.
2. As more organs become available, doctors keep adding the list of transplant.
3. Anonymity has led to total lack of transparency and black market for organs as tracing of body organs is hardly possible.
4. It has led to just trade of flesh which the middlemen use for their profits. They generally force, kidnap poor people to give up their organs as it cannot be traced back.
5. This has led to things like kidney stealing, bone thieves, human trafficking (or adoption and surrogacy), detrimental health during egg donation.
6. anonymity means people can buy flesh without worrying where it came for. It could be detrimental for both acceptor and donor.

CONCLUSION- The only solution to resolving the red market-
1. Make it transparent so that people can be traced back
2. This will lead to abolition of trade market where middlemen inflict all atrocities on humans to earn profits.

Middlemen open the door to dangerous abuses. The only way to get rid of them is to let the sun shine and expose the whole supply chain from beginning to end. Every blood packet should be traceable, every kidney should be affixed with a name, every surrogate womb find able and every adoption open.


No one will be killed for his kidneys if we are able to track them down, no children will be kidnapped if adoptions are open, no blood sellers will be locked in rooms to create infinitesimal blood supply.


Why this will never end-
1. As innovation keeos happening, doctors keep adding more disesases which could be rectified through organ transplant. Hence, the demand will only keep increasing.
2. As in the oil market, more innovations keep happening in terms of petroleum products and so. Similarly, in the body market.


Some facts

Bones/Skeleton trading-
1. Skulls taken out of graves to be made as flutes
2. Bone factories in WB
3. Bodies sold as anatomical skeletons to american medical schools
4. Bhutanese Buddhism says to understand mortality, we need to spend time contemplating the dead bodies. They use flutes carved out of tibia and femurs and prayer bowls out of crowns of skulls
5. The ligaments are scraped and implanted to some Olympian athlete.
6. Hair on head are used to make wigs.
7. A child skeleton can fetch much more money as it illustrates transitional stages in osteological development.


Kidney Trading-
1. There is a village in TN afflicted with Tsunami. One of their bread earning methods was loss of one kidney. It is termed as 'KidneyVakkam' village.
2. The situation is worse in China. The government harvests the organs of prisoners who are on a death row.
3. They even have a catalog on their website for sale of kidneys, liver , lungs , heart and cornea.
4. Child trafficking in the name of child adoption
5. Children are kidnapped from their houses to be sold in the foreign markets for child adoption,
6. Lighter color, better appearance and good lifestyle can fetch you better amount.


Egg donation
1. While the course of egg donation, girls are often injected with a hormone that causes hyperstimulation syndrome in which follicles become enlarges and produces tomany eggs.
2. In one case, an Israeli doctor took 181 eggs for a donor.


Surrogacy
1. Legalized in India in 2012 to promote medical tourism.
2. Indian women are preferred as they dont drink and smoke.
3. Charges are $15000-$20000 from in-vitro to delivery.
4. The women used as surrogates are made to live in a place where they are not allowed to go out. Television is their only source of entertainment.
5. However, there are no legal authority stating laws and ensuring the whole procedure is safe and legal.


Blood
1. People are taken captive for years and bled of blood. These are called as the blood factories.
2. The prisoners get too weak after the blood loss that they cannot even contemplate an escape.
3. The normal hemoglobin is around 14-18 grams for every 100 mls of blood. These prisoners usually have 4 gms.

Clinical trials
The poor bear the risk of testing drugs but only affluent receive the benefits of it.

Knowledge about body parts.


1. hemophiliac-body disorder where blood doesnt clot properly.


2. Ligaments- the tissue that connects the two nones or cartilages.


3. All muscles are tissues.


4. Cartilages are softer form of bones.


5. Brain aneurysm - A weakness in a blood vessel in the brain that balloons and fills with blood.


6. Regenerative medicine is a branch of translational research in tissue engineering and molecular biology which deals with the "process of replacing, engineering or regenerating human cells, tissues or organs to restore or establish normal function". Like stem cell production






Read


Surrogacy law in India


Stem cell production and it's uses

The best part about writing is how it connects strangers!

A response to any article is the best gift a writer can get on the day he wrote an article! We don’t even mind negative feedback; the feeling that somebody sat and heard our opinions is big enough! A positive feedback is icing on the cake.

Recently I wrote an article on one of the blog sites dealing with B-schools, their admission process , the life inside B-schools and placements of course! I wrote an article about my interview saga for the college I finally chose. I was so delighted to see a person who read the article and wanted to connect with me. We shared somewhat same kind of past experience and have somewhat same kind of aspirations from life in future!

It was heartwarming to connect with him. It is like motionless travelling where you meet so many people and exchange your thoughts!

Also, the feeling of helping somebody in his process of finding his dream college and dream company in itself is a great feeling! As mentioned in a book “Give and Take” by Adam Grant, giving is one of the most pleasurable habits. One of the research says that if you contribute 100 hours og giving in an year, you will be happy throughout the year. And 100 hours per year is just 2 hours per week! Where you help a person and yourself feel appreciated to be able enough to help someone. And I am delighted that the pleasure I get by writing gets double fold after the pursuit of giving.

The feeling that you can connect with so many souls out there through your single piece of writing has made me keener to write more and share as much as I can. I am sure, somewhere in this world, in the population of 7 billion; at least one person will read and reply! And hence a relationship will start J  

When you fall for ‘not -your- dream-man’

Believe me, I am with a guy who is so opposite to my definition of my dream man! But I am very happy and very satisfied with my life right now! Why? I sat this morning and pondered upon how I am happy with the guy who is so different with what I want and is it sustainable in the long run?

I’ll tell you my observations and thoughts-

1.      We girls, at least I was, are inspired and ruled my Bollywood, movies, serials around us (the same way guys are inspired by porn when it comes to sex, I think). Our lives revolve around the imaginable Bollywood world- How we should look and what we should wear and how slim we should get, how to get attention and how much pampering you require from your dream man! I actually believed in the scenes where a girl will call her lover and he will rush to her arms!

My guy has made me think about this pampering and the practicality of it! It isn’t like he won’t do things for me, but he will do what is absolutely essential for me and what he feels like. It became imperative for me to come out of my dreamland. After all, what is love for me might not be love for him. I cannot push a person to express himself ‘My way’.

First lesson- Find love in the way he wants to love you. Don’t force your way of him. And we all know some things are important, just communicate!

2.      I was a person who used to get dependent on the other person a lot for my needs (and sometimes it could be big and sometimes it could be small). To make a small stupid IVR call for me, to spend all nights with me, to understand all my views. Well, is it really who we would call ‘independent’ woman. It became essential for me to have an individual life and stop asking my guy for every other thing or support and the relationship pushed me a lot for this. Because it was practical and mature thing to do as well. Because we all need that space to let go of everything else and just be the way we want.

Second lesson- It is very important to find YOUR OWN life. I call it as Shagun’s FOUR square theory.

These are four integral parts of your life and it is very important to take care for everything separately. Take care of needs of your mother, but don’t forget about your ambitions and dreams also. Take care about your spouse but don’t forget your little me times.

3.      Last is one of the most important lessons I learnt. I was so used to get things my way and to be pampered the way I want, that I absolutely forgot to reciprocate. This guy asked me to do things and now everything works mutually and in tandem between us. We all know that youth/adults is not an age of unconditional love. You give and you take. And you need to understand what the other person wants.

Third lesson- Take some time out and ponder upon things that he want. Not just keep cribbing about the how much work we have to do both in office and house. After all, even a male sacrifices a lot of things to make a relationship fruitful. Understand what he does and what he wants in return. It is absolutely necessary to give!

I always tell my guy how much stability he brings in my life. He has taken me out of the unending romanticism and pampering I had been living with and expecting the same always. I am not quoting that pampering is bad, but one way and rigid pampering is bad. We all need to find love in small things that the other person does for us. And don’t forget to do those small things for him too. Be confident about yourself and be happy with what you are! After all, confidence is sexier than a bikini!

May be this ‘dream man’ thing is all a farce! You just need common sense after all in love too!

Everything can grow! Dont make anything stagnant!

At the end na Nishant, to be successful in any domain, may be careers, lifelong friendship, marriage

1.   We need to think about it and analyze. Because everything keeps changing. Your relationship, your expectations, your career demands. If we don’t think about it gets stale and stagnant. Our expectations from each other are different from time to time.

2.      2.  Like career, you have to see that there is always a next step in a relationship. We need to do what is required at that time. Like on valentines, I had expected you to at least arrange a dinner (like you expected me to at least get the gift on time).

3.       3. To achieve everything, we need to push ourselves. Same for career and relationships. Like I tell how I had to drop down to Vyom’s level to make it work. And Nishant, it worked. I thought about his age and his likings and now I have a wonderful siblings bond with him.

4.       4. But frankly, the problem I have had with men is that they don’t think emotionally. Sushant told that 50000 salary is the criteria for our marriage. But thinking emotionally about it, it ruined our relationship because things had changed a lot between us. Things were stagnant and we needed a next step which never came.

5.       5. And there are men who think! And who are emotional! There is no problem in crying or being low. Because that’s what matter in our lives after all. Isn’t it?  

6.       6. Once in a while, think about things that matter to you so much! I don’t know what. Whatever they are? How are you going to achieve it, how are you going to make things happy and etc. 

Think! Ten minutes a day!

People call me an over thinker. I think about that also and I don’t deny the allegation.

But the bigger sin would be to not to think about the stuff that matters or will matter in our lives. We live like ants. Just keep following the “fad”. We don’t think what and why things happen. We live in our small goals which hardly have any repercussions in the larger scheme of our lives or anybody’s lives. We shut our minds with the emotions that are deep inside us.

We don’t think about the hurt we cause to our parents

When we ill mouth them.

We don’t think about the cause of rape

But just want to change the clothes of women.

We don’t think about forlornness of our friends at times

We leave them when they need us the most

We don’t think about the pain it caused to our lover

When we cheated on them

We don’t think about the sorrow of the poor

But we blame them for the reservation quota.

We don’t think about the pain we cause to animals.

We rather give protection as the name of the games played with them.

We don’t think about the yearning our grandparents have

We would rather appoint an extra nurse for their care.

We don’t think about college as givers of knowledge and purpose

They are job giving machines for us

We don’t think about sex as the maker of love

But of satisfaction and dominance

We don’t think about the struggling unemployed man

But are happy with the overly priced personal care shopping.

We don’t think about the sacrifice our soldiers put in for us

But are happy to break a law here and there.

We don’t think about how we can make our country glorious

But are happy to praise the beauty of abroad.

We don't think about the hunger of that poor starving kid

But would rather waste a cake on someone's birthday.

There is so much that needs our attention!

Give ten minutes of your day daily!

Think what happened today. What went right and what went wrong.

Think what you did was frivolous in the larger life you will have.

Think about the small actions you could take for a perfect life of just not you but of people around you.

Think! Just for ten minutes a day!

And maybe could change somebody’s life for a better good. 

Us! By David Nicholls

Emotions in every page!

A “classic book of differences” human have in perceiving the world around us.

It is a story of a couple with stark differences in thinking, careers and upbringing. All goes happy between them until their son is born.

The magic of the book for me was -  these differences were all too good and okay with the couple. But it started to take a toll on them when their son was born.

Repeatedly, they looked for something of “their” knowledge to be reflected in the son. The scientist father wanted his son to be amused by centrifuge and pipes. On the other hand, the artist mother was happy with the fact he loved taking pictures of nature!

Thinking now, I keep juggling between who is right and who is wrong. At times I thought that the father is perfectly correct in being practical and at other times he is insanely moron in proving the zenith of science!

The language is funny and descriptions of small things will make you laugh and be in awe of the author. It is a good medium-sized book of 400 pages, but it will give you emotions and something to think about on every page!

The key trick I summarised

At times, you have to forget your upbringing while you see your child grow!

How to keep up that fine line of practical science and emotional art?

It made me wonder how important it is to respect each other as a couple!

I have no clue about things like this, but I can see that Parenting is a difficult sport!

Though the end is too melodramatic and was hard for me to sink in! and i realised that it wasn't just after their son was born but it was along their whole lives.

Suddenly it just seemed the life of discontent for 22 years!
You love the person but you are not happy! for 22 years!!
May be, this is life!

Bollywood, the fantasy world!

Many of us have grown up watching Bollywood movies and also believing that everything that they show is true. Some things come true and some not.

Don’t let the world of fantasy take the practicality out of your life! It is indeed funny that most of us, being in younger age, believe all those happy feelings will stay for life long. At times it affects our relationships as things happen to the contrary of our thinking.

It is best to embrace life as it comes and not live in your fantasy world!

I thought I will always hang out with those four best friends I had in school.

But they went their different ways soon after.

I thought I will always have my friendships intact and always nurturing.

But all along, I gave them up and made new ones.

I thought I will find my dream guy in college and live with him happily ever after

But soon, he told me that I am not who he is looking for.

I thought people will talk about my flawless love life

But people did have their apprehensions after all my fights and cries.

I thought I will go on vacations or parties every weekend

But later, I myself never wanted to be a part of them.

I thought I will land up in the best company to work in.

But the best company never gave me the chance to show my mettle.

I thought I will always work hard and climb the ladder of success

But soon I realized that I never wanted to work there.

I thought my spouse will bring a rose every anniversary of month.

But we know deadlines are important than anniversaries.

I thought my days will start with a kiss and end with a kiss

But aren’t we tired so much for that?

I thought my partner will leave all work and come when I demand

But soon I realized the nonsensical part of it.

I thought my parents will shout at the choice of my partner

But I was amazed to see them welcome him with open arms.

I thought my friends will stand by me always

But they were nowhere to be seen in the vicinity

I thought the life will be all riches and luxuries

But I soon got drowned in debts and loans from friends and banks.

I thought my father will cuddle my cheeks when I go out to work

But he always left for his work in a hurry.

I thought of meeting my friends and singing songs all night

But I myself stopped taking those invitations.

I thought of dancing and swimming all my life.

But I realized taking care of home is equally important.

I thought the touch of a man will impregnate me

But even the kisses failed to reach my heart at times.

I thought I will get all pleasures of life.

But I soon realized you have to even give to feel love.

Are Muslims stranded in a deadlock?

I have read very little about the problems faced by the Muslim community in India and outside. But yes, no doubt it it one of the most talked about community because the surrounding agenda of Islamist, radicalisation.

While reading I came across an article saying- 'deradicalisation'. And believe me, I felt good for the humanity. It talked about a lot of measures taken -
1. To stop youngsters to join IS in Syria.
2. To help them with education and jobs in the European nations.
3. Canadian president welcomed refugees wholeheartedly.

As i was reading it I felt great that nations and in general small communities have come ahead to break the deadlock that the Muslim community is stranded in.

I have no appropriate knowledge of talking about who and why this was started. Nobody wants wars! Nobody becomes a terrorist or a naxalite or an insurgent by choice. I do believe that the reasons are far more deeper than we can anticipate.
But the point is, with time the whole community gets engrossed in it and people are mostly brainwashed on religious or some other extremist terms. However, mostly the problems starts with personal agendas and not religion.

As in India's partition,  everything would have started when one Muslim person had belittled one Hindu or vice versa for some minuscule reason or the agendas raised by political parties. Wasn't it a personal issue to start with? Often, people do feel the lack of involvement of government for their issues which has been a case at many places.I believe that this has been a case in many places. But couldn't we deal with it with proper norms or raise our voices according to the rights given to us by constitution? But the problems of ten people becomes the problems for their whole society! And it is justified. because we do want to stand for our own people.
 But with time, slowly and gradually, it engrosses the whole community. And with time, nobody knows what we are fighting for. They take a religious turn at times and we often forget the real issue.The grim part is that these problems are used and often started by political parties to belittle the other party and gets power to rule.

Otherwise, you and me are happy are celebrating both Diwali and Ramzan.

The sad part is that a Muslim is stranded in deadlock situation now.

Why?

People are apprehensive to give them jobs and other opportunities because of the current situation around Syria and there are often harsh situations and ridiculous checking they are treated with.
Because of this on going mistreatment to them they are often driven to the path of IS to fight for their rights.

This almost serves as a deadlock to them.

We have to come out. Not just Muslims. But 'WE'. To understand and tell each other that we have always respected each other's beliefs and faiths. Don't let the political parties and extremist groups take out that faith in each other out of our hearts and start developing one big peaceful world where things can co-exist. We know things have never been equal and amiable. And we have to raise our voices.

Lean in your dreams, girls!

Why are we always being told as to what to do? The phrase ‘We always need a man’ is correct? Why it gets hard for us to move the success ladder despite same amount of work?

I don’t know how many of you have faced this in real life and at what intensity. But we cannot ignore the fact that

                “Girls have ambitions, but it is difficult to convert that into leadership”

So, this hasn’t started today or few decades back. It started from that point of time when the society told us how to behave and how to deal with people. Since millenniums people have guided our fingers and told us what to take and what to drop. It’s not that something is wrong with us or the world. The world has just being conditioned into this way where they have a window of perceiving ‘the ideal polite and soft spoken woman’. And leadership cannot be always soft spoken and according to terms of society.

We know we are being judged at our every action. We have social responsibilities. We know the guilt of not adhering to the society. The data shows the same thing. Only 4% in Fortune 500 CEOs are woman. We need to lean in girls! Stop waiting for men or society to listen to your problems and give us the path full of flowers. Lean in yourself!

When a girl tries to lead she is termed as bossy. Because she goes opposite to what the society think a girl should behave like. Girls are so bogged down by the “defined manners” that it becomes difficult for them to take the leadership role. The relationship between success and likeability is always inverse for a woman, unlike man. Even at the lowest level of society, a friend’s mother will dislike you for being too successful and not adhering to social norms. Who gives us credit for putting our soul into work? Who gives us credibility to work tirelessly? Who appreciates us for making dream into reality? Not Society! Because society thinks this is not our job! And who likes to be hated? But when you climb that ladder, a similar hate ladder increases. When the number of 4% will reach to 40%, this ladder will surely come down.  This fear of being hated takes us down. But, it’s time to come out and contribute to this 40%. Lean in, girls! Don’t let the world define you.

We have always seen males ruling everything. So, when we see ourselves on this path of success, we think this is just a transient moment or a fraud moment. That’s called an imposter syndrome. We are so not accustomed to win the world, that when we go towards it we feel the heat of wrong and fraudulent.

Basically, there are two types of conflicts that affect a woman’s life. The inner conflicts with their own mind and the external conflicts that deal with society.

1. External conflicts- It’s much easier to explain. The boundaries for girls, the appropriate dress code, the ideal age of marriage, less earning than husband, dowry, the correct way of talking, looking pretty always and the list never ends for the 'Rules to be followed by woman'. Believe me, they are not written on the walls of any household, but I have experienced myself; If in a marriage a girl doesn't dress up to the mark, she is often treated insolently. On the other hand, 'men will be men'. They are thought to be so busy with the bread winning of household that they would always forget to shave their beards for months. And girls are thought to be so free that they supposed to wear all that is available in their dressing room drawer.

2. Inner conflicts- This is hard to explain. Why? Because it deals with how we feel. Can a guy experience the pain we have in periods or the pain we have during delivery of a child. The same way! Years and years of dialogues and talk engross upon girls the 'imposter syndrome' which is a subtle way of saying 'I cannot make it big',

 Become a teacher, or how will you handle your household.

Already 26, start looking for a guy.

Doing MBA, don't earn more than your husband.

Your husband also an MBA, you should probably drop that line as conflicts can arise.

Oh, you are girl. don't get into finance, try something in arts.

Don't be so demanding in your in-laws house.

Why you are wearing a skirt, wear once you are married.

You can wear whatever your husband is comfortable with.

All these conflicts affect a woman as that is a normal upbringing for any girl. These are not forced but are a part of every woman’s lifestyle. They are done so often that they get deeply ingrained in us.

A beautiful quote as:

“Almost all my life,

Restricted and Bonded!

Sometimes by family, sometimes by peers.

Sometimes by clothes, sometimes by choices.

I came here to learn, to enlighten,

I know what is right,

What is wrong,

I came here to make my choice of time,

Not to be locked in cage!”

Believe in yourself girls. Stand up for what you are. Take more time if you need. But don’t follow what the society has developed called as “rules”. Lean in, girls! Sit at the table, make your decisions, negotiate them and let the world know.

At times, doing good work is not enough. Take the risks you want, choose your own growth, challenge yourself, and ask for promotions. There is no harm in reaching out to anyone for mentorship. Drop the veil of ‘superwoman’, go out and ask for help if you need! Let anybody be your mentor- your friend, your male/female boss, your husband. Don’t show the world you were born a superwoman. Let the world know, we are COMMON girls and we take our own time to reach that cliff.

How many girls are comfortable being told that they are fat? I would say that’s a very small number! It’s time we seek the truth, no matter what. What good can compliments bring to us? On the other hand, criticism opens in front us a whole world of ours to change and nurture! Don’t be afraid to seek the truth. Lean in for the truth, girls!

Just to add at end, we need to shed off our ‘superwoman’ tag. It brings us more harm with the delusion that we can do it all. We need to stop dictating our terms at home so that males can come in. There is no happiness in doing it all and then feeling guilty of not spending time with your mother. It really isn’t worth it.

Life is about balance. Between work and life.  Between male and female. All around the world I see males supporting their wives, sisters and mothers. It’s our time to shed our apprehensions, stop thinking too much about society and lean in your dreams!

When your principle starts to make you feel weak!

One of the person I have always admired in my life is my father. He taught me to work hard and gave me the freedom to chose my career path. He supported all the decisions i took in my life. With him in my journey, I imbibed a lot of principles he used to share with me.

There are two things he always told me, which now have contradictory effect on me. Individually, I don't think they are incorrect but they get on my nerves when i combine them.
1. Invest zero time in the things that doesn't matter in your life.
2. It is very important to stand for things you believe in and speak up.

So basically what happens is that people around me do get into a lot of frivolous talks and debates. I tend to refrain from getting into them, following the rule no 1.
But after that, it gives me a feeling of being weak. That there was a discussion going on and i couldn't point forth my points and convince other people. Sometimes, I push myself to get up and say my points and then defend them. If I don't do, i feel-
Am i not smart enough?
Am i not confident enough in life to put forth my points?
Do i fear people will judge me if i go against them?
Am i scared of heated arguments?

I shared this feeling with a close friend of mine and he advised me to do an "Importance Analysis" of things. To indulge and defend only if they are important enough. Otherwise, it is not worth your time and peace of mind.

But what about the feeling weak?
Even if the topic is frivolous, I might have a point for or against it.

What i have analysed is that I am a sort of person who likes to talk and discuss and argument on things. Most Librans are. It doesn't mean we love fighting. It doesn't mean that we don't respect another's opinion. But we have this innate feeling of talking and discussing about a lot of things. We like to understand the other's point of view. We like the fact that it pushes us to think about things from different perspectives.
I like that sometimes I win and sometimes I lose. Because the world is different and people have different views.

Your principles might be correct but they should be suitable to your innate nature as well.
I think, from today on, I will try to put my points in a very subtle way whenever I have without thinking about what others might feel or say. As Malcolm Gladwell said in his book, "The Tipping Point", how you say things are much more important than the things you say.

Going forward, I would always try to put forth my points in a subtle way, defend them when i think that i am right and learn from them when i think i am wrong.

Shagun

Always remember the four square theory

This is the post where I tell my shortcomings (don't i do that too often. May be i should get lighter on me!). So, I had invented this 4 Square theory. See your palm, draw a square. At every corner, there are different entities.

You
Your family
Your spouse
Your society.

What I believe is that if we can all of them separated, we will lead a happy life. Not, that you are not going to be concerned but don't overlap or mix them. Each have their own priority and own time in your life.
For example- Don't mix your spouse and yourself. This will ultimately lead to your huge dependency on him, he will start taking you for granted since you will be available to him 24*7. So, YOU is YOU. Don't mingle your priorities with him. Give him his own space. Don't let your career go haywire because of your spouse. Don't let your dreams die because of society.

This goes without saying that this is a theory and is not applicable 100% in life. But as a principle, take your spouse, your family and your society as different entities in life. Don't mix them up. Especially don't mix them up with YOU that it leads to the death of you.

I know it sounds tricky. But lets try to implement it. Do what you want to do it and at that time don't let the other three squares interfere in your life.

So if you are spending time with your family, don't let your societal pressure ruin your quality time. Keep them separate!
If you are following your dream, don't let the ambitions of your spouse lead to the death of their dreams.
If you are with your friends, don't let the responsibilities of home take a toll on your anyhow-very-less-time-with-friends.

Whatever you do, give your 100%. Involve with people, Enjoy your life with them!

Be Happy!

Shagun 

Surrounded yet aloof!

Almost at the end of my sojourn in Paris, the most beautiful city, surrounded by my college mates and newly made acquaintances from all over the European continent.
More friends spread across the different countries. Boyfriend just few miles away.
Yet the feel of aloofness. The feel of loneliness.

Why?
Because you do stuff how Parisians do. You like it once but after that it doesn't give you the same satisfaction. It doesn't become your way of life. You experience it, you like it. Period. You still want to go back to your way of your life.
Crepes or Waffles will never give you feel of the sweet rasgula and ras malai. Acquaintances are fun to be with. But they won't give you the contentment of a late night party with your close friends. College mates might give you a laugh or two but not the hearty laugh that you have with your family. You will eat food but not feel the warmth of your mother's love. You will pull leg of each other but not get concerned like you do for your brother. You will discuss stuff but only your best friend in India will come to your aid. You will like the pubs and the early morning parties but deep inside you would want to be surrounded with someone speaking your own language with paneer tikka and desi jokes. The beautiful streets cannot make you forget the voice of hawkers. You dance on their rock and jazz but miss the profound feel of the thumka. You will come back but still have that home sick feel.

After all, their is no substitute to family and friends and your own country.

Shagun