Lean in your dreams, girls!

Why are we always being told as to what to do? The phrase ‘We always need a man’ is correct? Why it gets hard for us to move the success ladder despite same amount of work?

I don’t know how many of you have faced this in real life and at what intensity. But we cannot ignore the fact that

                “Girls have ambitions, but it is difficult to convert that into leadership”

So, this hasn’t started today or few decades back. It started from that point of time when the society told us how to behave and how to deal with people. Since millenniums people have guided our fingers and told us what to take and what to drop. It’s not that something is wrong with us or the world. The world has just being conditioned into this way where they have a window of perceiving ‘the ideal polite and soft spoken woman’. And leadership cannot be always soft spoken and according to terms of society.

We know we are being judged at our every action. We have social responsibilities. We know the guilt of not adhering to the society. The data shows the same thing. Only 4% in Fortune 500 CEOs are woman. We need to lean in girls! Stop waiting for men or society to listen to your problems and give us the path full of flowers. Lean in yourself!

When a girl tries to lead she is termed as bossy. Because she goes opposite to what the society think a girl should behave like. Girls are so bogged down by the “defined manners” that it becomes difficult for them to take the leadership role. The relationship between success and likeability is always inverse for a woman, unlike man. Even at the lowest level of society, a friend’s mother will dislike you for being too successful and not adhering to social norms. Who gives us credit for putting our soul into work? Who gives us credibility to work tirelessly? Who appreciates us for making dream into reality? Not Society! Because society thinks this is not our job! And who likes to be hated? But when you climb that ladder, a similar hate ladder increases. When the number of 4% will reach to 40%, this ladder will surely come down.  This fear of being hated takes us down. But, it’s time to come out and contribute to this 40%. Lean in, girls! Don’t let the world define you.

We have always seen males ruling everything. So, when we see ourselves on this path of success, we think this is just a transient moment or a fraud moment. That’s called an imposter syndrome. We are so not accustomed to win the world, that when we go towards it we feel the heat of wrong and fraudulent.

Basically, there are two types of conflicts that affect a woman’s life. The inner conflicts with their own mind and the external conflicts that deal with society.

1. External conflicts- It’s much easier to explain. The boundaries for girls, the appropriate dress code, the ideal age of marriage, less earning than husband, dowry, the correct way of talking, looking pretty always and the list never ends for the 'Rules to be followed by woman'. Believe me, they are not written on the walls of any household, but I have experienced myself; If in a marriage a girl doesn't dress up to the mark, she is often treated insolently. On the other hand, 'men will be men'. They are thought to be so busy with the bread winning of household that they would always forget to shave their beards for months. And girls are thought to be so free that they supposed to wear all that is available in their dressing room drawer.

2. Inner conflicts- This is hard to explain. Why? Because it deals with how we feel. Can a guy experience the pain we have in periods or the pain we have during delivery of a child. The same way! Years and years of dialogues and talk engross upon girls the 'imposter syndrome' which is a subtle way of saying 'I cannot make it big',

 Become a teacher, or how will you handle your household.

Already 26, start looking for a guy.

Doing MBA, don't earn more than your husband.

Your husband also an MBA, you should probably drop that line as conflicts can arise.

Oh, you are girl. don't get into finance, try something in arts.

Don't be so demanding in your in-laws house.

Why you are wearing a skirt, wear once you are married.

You can wear whatever your husband is comfortable with.

All these conflicts affect a woman as that is a normal upbringing for any girl. These are not forced but are a part of every woman’s lifestyle. They are done so often that they get deeply ingrained in us.

A beautiful quote as:

“Almost all my life,

Restricted and Bonded!

Sometimes by family, sometimes by peers.

Sometimes by clothes, sometimes by choices.

I came here to learn, to enlighten,

I know what is right,

What is wrong,

I came here to make my choice of time,

Not to be locked in cage!”

Believe in yourself girls. Stand up for what you are. Take more time if you need. But don’t follow what the society has developed called as “rules”. Lean in, girls! Sit at the table, make your decisions, negotiate them and let the world know.

At times, doing good work is not enough. Take the risks you want, choose your own growth, challenge yourself, and ask for promotions. There is no harm in reaching out to anyone for mentorship. Drop the veil of ‘superwoman’, go out and ask for help if you need! Let anybody be your mentor- your friend, your male/female boss, your husband. Don’t show the world you were born a superwoman. Let the world know, we are COMMON girls and we take our own time to reach that cliff.

How many girls are comfortable being told that they are fat? I would say that’s a very small number! It’s time we seek the truth, no matter what. What good can compliments bring to us? On the other hand, criticism opens in front us a whole world of ours to change and nurture! Don’t be afraid to seek the truth. Lean in for the truth, girls!

Just to add at end, we need to shed off our ‘superwoman’ tag. It brings us more harm with the delusion that we can do it all. We need to stop dictating our terms at home so that males can come in. There is no happiness in doing it all and then feeling guilty of not spending time with your mother. It really isn’t worth it.

Life is about balance. Between work and life.  Between male and female. All around the world I see males supporting their wives, sisters and mothers. It’s our time to shed our apprehensions, stop thinking too much about society and lean in your dreams!