Believe me, I am with a guy who is so opposite to my
definition of my dream man! But I am very happy and very satisfied with my life
right now! Why? I sat this morning and pondered upon how I am happy with the
guy who is so different with what I want and is it sustainable in the long run?
I’ll tell you my observations and thoughts-
1. We girls, at least I was, are inspired and ruled
my Bollywood, movies, serials around us (the same way guys are inspired by porn
when it comes to sex, I think). Our lives revolve around the imaginable Bollywood
world- How we should look and what we should wear and how slim we should get,
how to get attention and how much pampering you require from your dream man! I
actually believed in the scenes where a girl will call her lover and he will
rush to her arms!
My guy has made me think about this pampering
and the practicality of it! It isn’t like he won’t do things for me, but he
will do what is absolutely essential for me and what he feels like. It became imperative
for me to come out of my dreamland. After all, what is love for me might not be
love for him. I cannot push a person to express himself ‘My way’.
First
lesson- Find love in the way he wants to love you. Don’t force your way of
him. And we all know some things are important, just communicate!
2. I was a person who used to get dependent on the
other person a lot for my needs (and sometimes it could be big and sometimes it
could be small). To make a small stupid IVR call for me, to spend all nights
with me, to understand all my views. Well, is it really who we would call ‘independent’
woman. It became essential for me to have an individual life and stop asking my
guy for every other thing or support and the relationship pushed me a lot for
this. Because it was practical and mature thing to do as well. Because we all
need that space to let go of everything else and just be the way we want.
Second
lesson- It is very important to find YOUR OWN life. I call it as Shagun’s FOUR
square theory.
These are four integral parts of your life
and it is very important to take care for everything separately. Take care of
needs of your mother, but don’t forget about your ambitions and dreams also.
Take care about your spouse but don’t forget your little me times.
3. Last is one of the most important lessons I learnt.
I was so used to get things my way and to be pampered the way I want, that I absolutely
forgot to reciprocate. This guy asked me to do things and now everything works
mutually and in tandem between us. We all know that youth/adults is not an age
of unconditional love. You give and you take. And you need to understand what
the other person wants.
Third
lesson- Take some time out and ponder upon things that he want. Not just
keep cribbing about the how much work we have to do both in office and house.
After all, even a male sacrifices a lot of things to make a relationship
fruitful. Understand what he does and what he wants in return. It is absolutely
necessary to give!
I always tell my guy how much stability he brings in my
life. He has taken me out of the unending romanticism and pampering I had been
living with and expecting the same always. I am not quoting that pampering is
bad, but one way and rigid pampering is bad. We all need to find love in small
things that the other person does for us. And don’t forget to do those small
things for him too. Be confident about yourself and be happy with what you are!
After all, confidence is sexier than a bikini!
May be this ‘dream man’ thing is all a farce! You just need
common sense after all in love too!
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