How many attempts have I made to write diary daily but the habit starts and ends in sometime. Isn't it the problem of my life? I start doing things and then get bore with them and stop it. I am influenced by other people by observing what they do, what they think and my thinking and actions are aligned according to it. I am moody. Sometimes I feel like I like to be alone, sometimes i feel i am a 'people's person'. I am a confused person. I will be very happy the day i will get the ability to decipher what I WANT. I can do many things and hence i am confused so many times. It's just not about things, it is in relartionships as well.
One such pain i feel, when i see an old friend 'ABC' (anonymous). So, we began talking. She was very quiet and hardly discuss anything with anyone. A very very opposite to what i am. Totally against booze, short exposing clothes, vulgar language and physical intimacies.I started hanging around with her. There were times i used to get bored and irritated by the amount of monologue we had. We used to go to plays, have dinner but the feeling of friendship never sink in for me. Despite with her, i always felt a need of a good friend. She was alone, aloof from the world. Nobody talks to her and she talked to nobody. For her, her family was the only thing.
There were fundamental problems that we had, but I (we, i am not sure) continued:
1. We were very different. At times I had to explain myself to her that things like booze and all are not so grave. Go out and experience the world and then make your judgement about right and wrong. Plainly, sitting in your room and watching movies and then making judgements about thing is ludicrious. The feeling to expalin myself to her judgements really irritated me.
2. She thinks she is always right. Because of this there have been times when she had been very insolent to me.
3. I was always with her, thinking that someday this friendship will be beautiful. After all, you are giving so much time, taking care of the other person. What else does she want?
4. There was hardly a tincture of care from her side. Whether I have an interview, i have cold or fever, she hardly cared. I still continued that people will change.
But at last, the time had come, where i could take no more. I understood that we cannot become friends in our lives. We dont feel that affection and love for each other. I called the charts and start maintaining my distance with her. I feel bad now, sometimes, when i see her all alone while studying and eating and whatever. She, as expected, hardly cared about the changing relationship we are having.
First, I think she has herself chosen this life only. She might be content and i wish she is content.
Second, I am more free. I talk to a lot of people to whom i wouldnt talk earlier (She used to sit in the farthest corner of room and hence my interactions were too less).
I feel bad and i feel good for varied reasons. I just wish, that i could have judged this earlier and not plunged into it. It is like that wrong relationship you get into and drag it just to somehow make it work. Along the path, you always know it is not going to work!
I wish in life i could have a better judgemment and i could stick to my plan of things.
Not to attempt things and expect them to change for you!
Shagun
One such pain i feel, when i see an old friend 'ABC' (anonymous). So, we began talking. She was very quiet and hardly discuss anything with anyone. A very very opposite to what i am. Totally against booze, short exposing clothes, vulgar language and physical intimacies.I started hanging around with her. There were times i used to get bored and irritated by the amount of monologue we had. We used to go to plays, have dinner but the feeling of friendship never sink in for me. Despite with her, i always felt a need of a good friend. She was alone, aloof from the world. Nobody talks to her and she talked to nobody. For her, her family was the only thing.
There were fundamental problems that we had, but I (we, i am not sure) continued:
1. We were very different. At times I had to explain myself to her that things like booze and all are not so grave. Go out and experience the world and then make your judgement about right and wrong. Plainly, sitting in your room and watching movies and then making judgements about thing is ludicrious. The feeling to expalin myself to her judgements really irritated me.
2. She thinks she is always right. Because of this there have been times when she had been very insolent to me.
3. I was always with her, thinking that someday this friendship will be beautiful. After all, you are giving so much time, taking care of the other person. What else does she want?
4. There was hardly a tincture of care from her side. Whether I have an interview, i have cold or fever, she hardly cared. I still continued that people will change.
But at last, the time had come, where i could take no more. I understood that we cannot become friends in our lives. We dont feel that affection and love for each other. I called the charts and start maintaining my distance with her. I feel bad now, sometimes, when i see her all alone while studying and eating and whatever. She, as expected, hardly cared about the changing relationship we are having.
First, I think she has herself chosen this life only. She might be content and i wish she is content.
Second, I am more free. I talk to a lot of people to whom i wouldnt talk earlier (She used to sit in the farthest corner of room and hence my interactions were too less).
I feel bad and i feel good for varied reasons. I just wish, that i could have judged this earlier and not plunged into it. It is like that wrong relationship you get into and drag it just to somehow make it work. Along the path, you always know it is not going to work!
I wish in life i could have a better judgemment and i could stick to my plan of things.
Not to attempt things and expect them to change for you!
Shagun
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