I was reading a Hindi novel, Nirmala written by a coveted Hindi novelist Munshi Premchand. And it unfolded in front of me a a very bizarre Indian psychology.
So, this girl, Nirmala, is married to man who is double her age and he already have 3 kids. The girl is supposed to provide motherly love and care to his three kids. The husband gets jealous when he feels that his wife is giving them more love than him. The widow sister of the husband too gets envious that the kids will love Nirmala more than her. And they started igniting the minds of the kids against Nirmala, yet at the same time they want Nirmala to keep providing motherly love and care.
Stop! Stop! Stop!
How is this possible ?
How can you sow the seeds of disgust in people and then also expect them to maintain a relation ?
How can you expect somebody to give love and care when you don't want the relationship to sustain?
This is still prevalent in India! Lets see how.
A mother in law* will always expect her daughter in law to provide to her with love and care. And at the same time leave no taunts to be unspoken.
She will still want her son to love her first, yet want the love between the couple blossom as well.
She will expect the relationship to be full of love, yet leave no stone unturned in maligning the daughter in law.
She will expect the girl to give full respect to the family she has come in, yet will not think twice speaking ill of girl's family.
She will expect the girl to be smart and intelligent, yet she would not want the girl to have opinions on her things!
She will expect the girl to earn money, yet make sure the kitchen always have aromas of fresh food.
She will want the couple to lead life in their ways, yet make sure to show her express her grief in her unabided things.
She will claim to be modern, but will still expect a girl to wear "this" kind of clothes.
And it is deadlock that is being created, where you want the other to give love but you are not ready to give it back. I call it "Deadlock Love"
Lady, you cannot expect actions of taunts, disrespect and control to blossom love in your family.
One of the core reasons Indian kids have started moving out of their families is the'r parents' belief of controlling their lives. They still think that they need to lead it. they need to control how things happen in households. They still think they need to tell their kids what is right and what is wrong. They believe the kids "owe" it to them.
Love comes from freedom and truth and not from controlling and giving rules. Love is about understanding the pain and happiness of the other person, and not controlling his actions. And at the end , it is not "your" life. don't command what is not yours.
*I have used an example of mother in law because that is where the most cases i have heard. But this could be anybody in the family - father , brother etc.
Please share your stories where you experienced "Deadlock Love".
So, this girl, Nirmala, is married to man who is double her age and he already have 3 kids. The girl is supposed to provide motherly love and care to his three kids. The husband gets jealous when he feels that his wife is giving them more love than him. The widow sister of the husband too gets envious that the kids will love Nirmala more than her. And they started igniting the minds of the kids against Nirmala, yet at the same time they want Nirmala to keep providing motherly love and care.
Stop! Stop! Stop!
How is this possible ?
How can you sow the seeds of disgust in people and then also expect them to maintain a relation ?
How can you expect somebody to give love and care when you don't want the relationship to sustain?
This is still prevalent in India! Lets see how.
A mother in law* will always expect her daughter in law to provide to her with love and care. And at the same time leave no taunts to be unspoken.
She will still want her son to love her first, yet want the love between the couple blossom as well.
She will expect the relationship to be full of love, yet leave no stone unturned in maligning the daughter in law.
She will expect the girl to give full respect to the family she has come in, yet will not think twice speaking ill of girl's family.
She will expect the girl to be smart and intelligent, yet she would not want the girl to have opinions on her things!
She will expect the girl to earn money, yet make sure the kitchen always have aromas of fresh food.
She will want the couple to lead life in their ways, yet make sure to show her express her grief in her unabided things.
She will claim to be modern, but will still expect a girl to wear "this" kind of clothes.
And it is deadlock that is being created, where you want the other to give love but you are not ready to give it back. I call it "Deadlock Love"
Lady, you cannot expect actions of taunts, disrespect and control to blossom love in your family.
One of the core reasons Indian kids have started moving out of their families is the'r parents' belief of controlling their lives. They still think that they need to lead it. they need to control how things happen in households. They still think they need to tell their kids what is right and what is wrong. They believe the kids "owe" it to them.
Love comes from freedom and truth and not from controlling and giving rules. Love is about understanding the pain and happiness of the other person, and not controlling his actions. And at the end , it is not "your" life. don't command what is not yours.
*I have used an example of mother in law because that is where the most cases i have heard. But this could be anybody in the family - father , brother etc.
Please share your stories where you experienced "Deadlock Love".
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